Lauren and her husband Ash, who works at Bristol Royal Hospital for Children, shares their story about devastating pregnancies, baby loss, and the experience they had with the Snowdrop Team at St Michael's Hospital.

 

We held him tight; he was our perfect baby.

"Since 2023, my husband Ash and I have had three miscarriages that have all been quite traumatic. It’s a shock going for a scan when you’re expecting everything to be ok and then being told your baby has died.

We had lots of tests, and they couldn’t find a particular reason. We decided to try one more time and in summer last year we found out we were pregnant with Finn. There was a lot of anxiety because of what had happened. The only time we’d got further than 12 weeks was with our son Fred, who’s now six and was our first pregnancy.

We had two early scans at St Michael's Hospital which looked okay and were reassuring, as well as some private scans."

 

BABY FINN

"On 2^nd September we went for our 12-week scan. Finn’s nuchal translucency was significantly raised, and there was swelling at the back of his head as well as swelling in his abdomen. They said it could mean nothing, but it could mean a whole heap of things, like chromosomal abnormalities or heart conditions. I had the screening test for Down’s syndrome, Edwards syndrome and Patau’s syndrome and was referred to the Fetal Medicine Unit (FMU) the following day.

They have a private waiting area, so we didn’t have to sit with everyone who’s pregnant and happy and healthy, which was something small that made a huge difference. Our consultant, Sarah Newell, was amazing. She did loads of scans that were really detailed and really thorough. Finn’s abdominal swelling had gone, but his nuchal translucency remained raised.

Sarah Newell explained to us that because of the size of Finn’s nuchal translucency, there was a really high chance that Finn had a chromosomal abnormality or an organ or heart defect. There was a really slim chance that he would be born healthy with no condition.

So, we were kind of preparing for the worst. We took each test a step at a time and were preparing for a baby that would need a lot of care or major surgery as soon as he was born.

They did further tests by taking cells from my placenta, which came back normal for any chromosomal abnormalities. It was a relief. We now thought we were dealing with an organ, like the heart, that could potentially be fixed. We were feeling ok.

But around 19 weeks, I had a bleed at home. I was being told to go to A&E, but I called the FMU at St Michael’s Hospital and they squeezed us in at the end of the day. Sarah Newell spent ages with us and talked us through everything. They did another scan and, despite a heartbeat, it was obvious to us that something wasn’t right.

They did further scans that told us that the pregnancy wouldn't end in a positive way. Testing showed that Finn would die either before, during or shortly after birth. It was devastating."
   

For Maddie and the Snowdrop Team, nothing was too much 

"That was when we met the Snowdrop Team. Maddie, in particular, was beside us through every step, helping us plan, preparing us for what to expect, and, most of all, making sure Finn would be cherished every moment he was with us.

We gave birth at 20 weeks in the central delivery suite in a special room for babies who are born sleeping. It was 10 o’clock at night. The stars shone outside and soft electronic candles flickered. It was so calm and peaceful, and that’s how Finn came into the world. We held him tight and he was our perfect baby.

The Chaplain came out of hours for a blessing, which was really important to us. Whatever we needed, it was just done. Even the people who weren’t directly involved would all acknowledge Finn and were aware.

For Maddie and the Snowdrop Team, nothing was too much. Maddie was there to answer any questions we might have, explain what would happen next and show us lots of memory making options. We made footprints and handprints in ink and clay and she supported us with post-mortem and funeral planning, and took photos of Finn.  She went through a checklist with us to help the team caring for us know what our wishes were for when Finn was born and had even spent time showing us the Lavender Suite. It’s an amazing facility, but I had a haemorrhage after the birth and needed surgery, so stayed on the delivery suite. But it was reassuring to know the suite was there and that we could have stayed as long as we wanted."

 

"Sometimes baby seeds don't grow",

said Lauren's six year old son, Fred

"It was heartbreaking to leave the hospital without our baby boy – we left carrying his memory box when we should’ve been carrying him.

There was no right and wrong. If we changed our minds about anything, Maddie would support us to make it happen. And they keep going. She came to all our appointments with us, she talked us through forms, she even offered to come to the house and help us explain everything to Fred. It just helped to have another person there to help us absorb some of the information.

We had a private funeral for Finn. We wanted it to mirror his birth – calm and peaceful, just us and Finn. The hardest thing my husband has ever had to do is carry Finn’s white coffin into the chapel.

Without the care of everyone at St Mike’s, we would not be where we are now. It was a devastating experience, but we’re in an okay place thanks to everyone from the student midwives to the consultants.

Finn’s postmortem and detailed genetic testing revealed we’re both carriers of a very rare lethal genetic condition. If we decide to try for another baby through IVF with genetic testing,  the Snowdrop Team will still be there to support us. If I have a bad day tomorrow, I could call them or text them. There’s no end date to that service. They’ve reached further than us too, they’ve reached our whole family.

Fred knows that Finn was poorly and that he died. He already had some awareness that babies, or baby seeds as he calls them, sometimes don’t grow because of our previous miscarriages. The Snowdrop Team helped us with age-appropriate books to talk to Fred.

The midwives were great, the consultants were great, but the Snowdrop Team knit in all the bits in-between. If it wasn’t for them, we’d be in a much worse place. More hospitals need to have a Snowdrop Team."

The charity has funded so many projects that touch families like ours

"After our miscarriages and losing Finn, we both feel that baby loss awareness is really important which is why we are supporting Bristol & Weston Hospitals Charity and the work they do for families in these traumatic moments. It’s still not a topic that people talk about enough and we’re sharing our story so people feel less alone. There’s a lot of people for who pregnancy isn’t really a positive experience because of what they’ve had to deal with previously.

The charity has funded so many projects that touch families like ours. The Fetal Medicine Unit waiting area, including the quiet rooms we used, had a makeover, the Lavender Suite’s refurbishment has transformed it into a warm and supportive space, early pregnancy clinic rooms are softer and the Rosemary Room now feels more homely when you have to say that crushing goodbye.

We are still under the care of St Mike’s, and everyone we’ve dealt with acknowledges Finn. It makes a big difference. There’s some comfort in knowing the staff at St Mike’s and knowing they’ll take care of you."

 

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